We had travelled down on a Sunday so the roads were quiet - still totally chaotic but we hadn't seen anything yet. Our trip back was on a Wednesday evening and every stretch of the road was packed with Sri Lankans driving with a death wish. We reached Colombo at dusk. It is such a poor city and we saw some sad sights along the way. It's really polluted also. Our driver insisted on stopping off to show us this manky temple. We had to take our shoes off to go inside, I don't think we'll ever be clean again. Don't get me wrong, it was a nice Buddhist temple with a giant gold Buddha inside and loads of lovely incense burning (probably to hide the smell of feet). They had this poor, beautiful baby elephant chained up inside (a gift to the temple from the government WTF?! Could they not have just sent some flowers or chocolates?). The poor creature was miserable and dancing around in frustration. I nearly cried. Couldn't wait to get out of there. Our taxi driver was dying to show us more 'sights' so we had to be firm - the crazy cohint had just made a 9 hour round trip for the equivalent of €45 and was still dying to bring us on a detour!
I asked Brian if i could sit in the edge seat on the plane so he ended up in the middle beside a little Indian dude. The guy was hyper, I thought it was his first time on a plane but it turns out he was just a nutter. He was travelling to Malaysia to work as a labourer.
He asked Brian (in Indian) to set the time on his lovely little pink Baby-G watch. Brian thought that maybe it was a gift from his daughter so was endeared to him and also helped him with his movies as he couldn't work the in-flight entertainment. He was hopping around in his seat, trying to get the air hostess' attention by making kissy noises at her. Me and Brian were in kinks laughing at him.
Little did we know, we were sitting beside the biggest pie-ball in Sri Lankan Airlines history. He skulled a glass of red wine in approximately 2 seconds and then proceeded to yelp at the air hostess for more. Except rather than saying 'excuse me miss', he proceeded to make this loud kissing sound with his lips to get her attention. It sounded like a mongooses mating call. Couldn't help but break my heart laughing. He stopped being funny when he started to cover one of his nostrils and spurt out the first digit of the number 11 in mucus all over the airplane wall, then the second digit came a few seconds later to complete his number '11'. He continued doing this for the last half hour of the flight. By the end of the journey, the wall looked like a full essay of ogham writing you would see in a megithic tomb. Knacker.
If that wasn't bad enough, there was another lovely 70 year old Hindu lady sitting across from us. At the same time that our friendly neighbour was drafting his masterpiece, she began sticking her huge ET-like elongated index finger into her ear and started shaking it like a bear would a beehive. Her finger must have evolved throughout her artistic tenure and grown an extra 30mm just to ensure she could touch her eardrum. I thought her finger was going to come out the other side of her head and poke the guy siting next to her. She then kept looking at her finger after pulling it out of her gammon steak ear. She did this for the last hour too. Minging. Of course Catherine was fast asleep in my lovely aisle seat for all of the fantastic fluid exchange. Thank frank we landed in Malaysia without drowning in snots.
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