Melbourne - PUB!

We arrived in Melbourne after an overnight flight from Bangkok. The flight was only 2 hours long (7 hours in xanax-dreamland and 2 hours in the air)

Collie picked us up from the airport, the little dote. He brought us into St Kilda and straight to a pub where we had some NORMAL food for the first time in weeks! Brian and Collie were delighted to be reunited! Brian and Guinness were even more delighted to be back together.

CAKE

We went back to Collie, Emer and Al's gorgeous little apartment that has its own international catwalk as the entrance hallway (hours of fun had there as you'll see, we couldn't enter or exit without a bit of vogue from the boys).

Pea Murpea, this one's for you :)

We went for a little walk down to the beach and Collie showed us all his regular haunts in Kilda. The place is gorgeous, I want to live there. It's like a sunny Ranelagh by the sea! Loads of cool little restaurants, bars and cake shops and a really chilled-out atmosphere.

Our favourite places there were La Roche, The Vineyard and The Wee Chief, which was an Irish bar that served Tayto sambos and real McDonnells curry chips!

That night we popped in to Collie's mate's 30th birthday bash. I was a bit morto as there were no other women there (it's a football thing). They had hired a stripper for the poor dude and we were all ordered upstairs. They blindfolded the guy and started planting seeds about a gorgeous Latino girl when, in fact, they'd booked this poor middle aged woman who'd seen too many pizzas and pies. She was dressed as a French maid and she gave the poor chap an awful time before asking me to step forward and whip the poor lad (I wanted the floor to open up but it never happens when you need it to!). So I was basically like, "Nice to meet you, happy birthday, sorry about all the whipping".

I ran away after that and went to meet my lovely little cousin Colin and his gorgeous girlfriend Ciara in a place called Big Mouth. It was great to see an ol' Daly noodle on the other side of the planet!

The following day was Anzac Day (a bank holiday) so Collie took us to see an Aussie Rules match in the College Lawn which was, of course, a pub. They gave me some Anzac cookies to keep me quiet and we all drank all day (Collie was trying to kill us - getting too old for this much partying!).

Later that evening, Collie took us to the Wee Chief (another pub) with his good friends Mark, Gemma and Steph. Gemma and Steph are kiwis who lived in Dublin for a few years when they were kids. They are hilarious and we had a great ol' laugh with them that night!

I also bumped into my old friend, Siobhan, from college, randomly in the Irish bar! It was great to see her and we arranged to meet for lunch in the Vineyard for a proper catch up before I left Melbs.

On the last day, Collie finally showed us all of the sights in the City. He was an excellent tour guide and really knew his stuff. Here's a synopsis of all the stuff he showed us:

- Australia Zoo

- The Great Wall of China

- Daniel O'Connell

- The Eiffel Tower

- The Bellagio

- Luna Park

- St Kilda Beach

- Gorgeous views of Melbs

- Flinders Street Station

- Sport's Stadiums

- Some Bells

- Southbank

Of all of Collie's in-depth knowledge of all things Melbourne, he excelled at knowing where to find the best pubs! He took us to a cool little rooftop cider bar opposite Flinders Street Station. We then went to the gorgeous Southbank to PJ O'Brien's, an Italian bar :)

Our trip to Melbourne concluded with a flutter at the Crown Casino where Brian and I tried to double our Canada fund. Our flutter flopped so we headed home to Kilda for one last stop at the amazing Coneheads - a fast food place that serves chips in a cone with amazing gravy or whatever you like on them!

We were quiet as mice when we came home that night and we didn't wake Alan up at all, except when we tried to blow up the air mattress, failed, and tried to blow up Brian instead.

X-rated stuff here:

We were really sad to say goodbye to our lovely Collie flower. He was so good to us on our visit to his beautiful town and we wished he could come to Brisbane with us for more fun! Brian and him had one last romantic embrace before he took us to the airport for a sad farewell x

Funny 'you had to be there' Melbourne words: PUB; meep; beep; bobble dobble deep; hssssss; ehh heah; email; coneheads; sausage roll; no drinks 'til night time.